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[29 Nov 2006|11:14pm] |
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i guess all it takes is about a week alone to realize how worthless u really are. its no wonder ive gone to such extremes to gain attention.
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[13 Feb 2006|10:57pm] |
Dear journal.
OMG!!! like OMG. PLease let my concience stop me from doing something and stop him from doign something that we moth might regret later on. PLEASE. OMG, i like him <3
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[11 Feb 2006|10:04pm] |
I dont think he will ever understand what its like to just be thrown away by someone who you love so fucking much.
I dont think he understands what it means to have a best friend.
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[15 Jan 2006|10:32am] |
down in the 120's and back in my size 2's
if only it were by will.
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[09 Jan 2006|03:17pm] |
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i think im dying
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[29 Dec 2005|06:50pm] |
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Fuck it. I dont even care anymore.
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[17 Dec 2005|08:40pm] |
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I think i want to fast for xmas week. lets see how long this attempt lasts. :/
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[17 Oct 2005|11:13pm] |
im bingeing bingeing bingeing fucking BINGEing
onyl because i know that my diet pills will be here in two days
but still wtf
i look in the mirror and i want to die because im so bloated and round adn i eat?!!?
wtf is wrong with me
i want to purge so badly, help.
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[03 Oct 2005|12:01am] |
I need a place to escape to. A safe haven.
When i was at school, if i felt tempteto eat. Id give away my meal card and throw out all the food in my dorm. But now im at home. And i cant throw away the food, because my mom would freakin kill me. I need a place i can go to, when i feel like eating. But i dont have anywhere around here i can escape to. Sad really, I have so many friends but then... i dont really, no one who could save me from myself for a few hours, or days.
Im doomed until i can afford an apartment.
If i had an anorexic roommate, who wouldnt mind not having any real food in the house at all, life would be perfect right now. Id be able ot move out, and be able to be thin.
Help me please :(
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[05 Sep 2005|02:36am] |
Ive been binging liek crazy, im going ot have to start purgin regularly to break myself out of the habit. That is the only thing that i hate more then i love eating... purging
And i think im going to be deleting my account for a while... communities are disheartening
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[26 Aug 2005|08:42pm] |
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Poppop passed today :/
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[15 Aug 2005|11:43pm] |
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Im everything that no one wants,im obsesively vain, full of emotional baggage, annoying as hell. Why cant they see through a pretty face and leave me the hell alone to rot away... :'(
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[10 Aug 2005|06:18pm] |
mmk, so im working the next 10 days, no days off. Therefore, i will be following a workplace diet of
breakfast: One eggwhite from a ahrd boiled egg 15kc
lunch: garden salad, sans tomatoe and cucumber 50kc
dinner: proten bar 270kc
snacks: diet pills
totalling me at- 335kc daily
updates on the damage to be posted on sunday august 20th or monday august 21st
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[03 Aug 2005|02:16am] |
Kinda hurts a lil, finding out that ur just not pretty -enough-, cool -enough-, to actually date a good looking, seemingly nice guy. But that is what i get for letting myself hope right? Guess i learned my lesson.
All i wanted was a simple "hey, i got ur message, :D"
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[02 Jul 2005|11:57am] |
Take me as a joke, i know you will anyways.
I hate hate HATE him. Hes retarded i swear, or maybe thickheaded protecting a brain of rotten mush!
Joe had the nerve to say to me last night, "You know, you may think i dont understand what youve been through, but i do. Not through me, but through someone close to me."
Idiot! 1st- You dont even know what ive been through considering ive been as vague as humanly possibl ewith you and everyoe else ive told. 2nd- you couldnt possibly understand the feelings that accompany the experiencve unless youhave funcking been thorugh it yourself. Just because your mom has been through it means NOTHING.
"And you know, not to put ur experiences down or anything, but hers was probably worse because it was an older man." So older men ar emore hurtful?! Let me ask you mister Idiot, How long did hers go on for, and what did he do to her? Does she have to have surgery to remove the scars from inside her too? I doubt it. But then again. Nothing happened to me nothing enough to warrant the way I am. And the fact that my first real boyfriend I allowed myself to have raped me... well thats just laughable!!
Thankyou Joe, thankyou for putting my life in perspective for me with your mother's touching story, the details of which i bet you dont even know.
/life as i know it
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[01 Jul 2005|03:04pm] |
My metabolism is waaay up and i have 30 lbs till my next goal.
First of the month and time to get it going.
Since ive recently found that i can stand eating these foods evryday without getting sick of them, the new plan is:
Cherios for breakfast.
Lowcal Yogurt for lunch.
White rice for dinner.
♥
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[24 Jun 2005|12:09am] |
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You know, i almost wish sometimes, that i had never discovered the world of vanity. Being fat and not caring about it might have been worth the happiness
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[16 Jun 2005|02:46am] |
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I think i need to see a doctor, i am INSANE. But i dont want to go, in fact, id rather die than go. So do i tell mom or what?
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[06 Jun 2005|03:20pm] |
I love how my siste rlikes to boost my self confidence. Yesterday she was so excited that we could share clothes (since ive been wearing hers). And today when she comes in she yells at me to take off her pants before stretch them out. I must look really fat if she thinks im going to stretch out her clothes.
no dinner.
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bella_mi's journal